i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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