I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
