It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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