whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
