Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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