Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
