Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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