Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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