Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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