Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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