Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
