6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
