I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
