I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
