Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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