Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
