Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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