My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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