I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is my gift to your gina
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
