were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
