Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
