I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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