I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
