Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
