he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im six kinds of drunk right now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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