I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
