shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
