I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I AM VODKA MAN
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
