Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
