dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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