You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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