i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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