please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
