I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
