Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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