Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
