what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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