I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
