I want to have your abortion
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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