God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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