Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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