Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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