No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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