one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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