Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
