i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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