somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
