i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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