Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
