I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
