I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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