i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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