If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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