apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
