3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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